The weather today is beautiful...Byron would say "Perfect!" I only wish he was here. I feel like I'm treading water, with no shoreline in sight. It's a very dense fog, and I'm just lost in it. If I had only known that night would be the last time I could hear him say "I love you," I would have lingered in the hug a little longer...kissed him a little longer. I have slept with one of his shirts every night since he passed, simply because it smells like him and seems to comfort me in some tiny way. I had no idea I could miss someone so much and hurt so badly. I am trying to be strong for the boys, because they need me to be sane and calm and in control...but it's so very, very hard to do. The days are long, and the nights are miserable and practically endless. I want to cry so much, but it's as if my body is drained of tears and can't make any more. I'm mostly numb, just wishing for some kind of feeling other than the infinite loneliness I experience every day. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I keep hearing that this will get better, so I have faith...I'm just waiting.