I received what I believe to be a "message" over the weekend, though not from Byron. My grandmother, whom I lost in 1995, wanted me to know she was watching over me and helping me through this time of grief, and I believe she truly is. If you're up to reading, I'll tell you about it (I'll try to make it short as possible).
When I was 10 years old, my grandmother gave me her St. Christopher's medal which she had worn since she was about 10 or so. I treasured it and wore it every day. When I was 13, our house burned down and we lost everything we owned...except through some miracle, a little ceramic jewelry box survived, and inside was my St. Christopher's medal, which also survived largely intact (albeit with some charred edges). I still carried the medal around with me in my wallet, through college and dating Byron, and up until I had my first child. Sometime after André was born in 1994, the medal disappeared. I had no idea where it was or where I might have lost it. I can't count the time I have spent looking for it. When Nanny died in 1995, I was so devistated since I couldn't find the medal, the only thing I had of hers.
Fast forward to this past weekend. André was out of town, so the two little ones decided to play in the yard with his metal detector, which is a toy one from Target and cost all of $15 bucks. It's not a good one. ;) Anyway, at some point Saturday morning, Clay comes running in the house yelling, "I found a pirate coin!" He handed me this muddy chunk and I wiped it off, and nearly passed out. IT WAS MY ST. CHRISTOPHER MEDAL, charred edges and all. I got chill bumps, I cried, I screamed. I had been having a particularly bad day, and really feeling down, and I think this was a message from Nanny that she was watching us, protecting us all the time and that she knew I was hurting and wanted me to feel better. Yep, I believe in signs. Do you?
When I was 10 years old, my grandmother gave me her St. Christopher's medal which she had worn since she was about 10 or so. I treasured it and wore it every day. When I was 13, our house burned down and we lost everything we owned...except through some miracle, a little ceramic jewelry box survived, and inside was my St. Christopher's medal, which also survived largely intact (albeit with some charred edges). I still carried the medal around with me in my wallet, through college and dating Byron, and up until I had my first child. Sometime after André was born in 1994, the medal disappeared. I had no idea where it was or where I might have lost it. I can't count the time I have spent looking for it. When Nanny died in 1995, I was so devistated since I couldn't find the medal, the only thing I had of hers.
Fast forward to this past weekend. André was out of town, so the two little ones decided to play in the yard with his metal detector, which is a toy one from Target and cost all of $15 bucks. It's not a good one. ;) Anyway, at some point Saturday morning, Clay comes running in the house yelling, "I found a pirate coin!" He handed me this muddy chunk and I wiped it off, and nearly passed out. IT WAS MY ST. CHRISTOPHER MEDAL, charred edges and all. I got chill bumps, I cried, I screamed. I had been having a particularly bad day, and really feeling down, and I think this was a message from Nanny that she was watching us, protecting us all the time and that she knew I was hurting and wanted me to feel better. Yep, I believe in signs. Do you?
posted by Laurie L. Black at 8:09 PM
1 Comments:
Oh Laurie...most defintiely a sign! How wonderful that you have the medal back and to know that Nanny is watching over you all. Sometimes just knowing there is someone there for us can bring so much comfort.
I can only relate to my own personal experiences and after losing Damian something like this happened to me.
The day after Damian passed away my Mum and younger brother and sister came to see me. We went to a restaurant and when we got seated there was a speaker right next to our table. Id never heard the song that was playing before but I just burst into tears and couldn't control myself. Mum had to go and ask for the speakers to be turned off. They were really kind and did it straight away. When I had calmed down I began to wonder what that song was....seemed like i would never find out.
A few days later I seemed to be aimlessly wandering around our flat and decided to switch the TV on to try and take my mind off things. As I flicked it on Sex in the City was on and I heard that same piece of music that was playing when I went to the restaurant on Sunday. It didnt play for very long (long enough to get me crying!). I really wished I knew what it was.
Then, one week after losing Damian I had to do something I never thought I would have to do. I had to go and buy something to wear to Damian's funeral. I hate shopping and to be shopping for this seemed so unreal.
Something strange happened whilst I was searching for the final item I needed. I walked into a shoe shop, I was really fed up, we'd been shopping for at least 2 hours and I'd just about had enough. As I started to look around I stopped and playing in the shop was that same piece of music again...
"You think I’d leave your side baby, You know me better than that"
That was the only bit I heard, I was crying again and Mum took me out of the shop.
When I got home that night I searched the internet for those words and when I found the song I downloaded it. I was absolutely stunned. It was like eachtime I had heard the song it had been Damian talking to me, everything in it was like he was singing to me. It had to have come from him. I had never heard the song before but to hear it 3 times in what has to have been the hardest week of my life, it made me realise Damian hadnt left me and would always be there for me.
The song was 'By Your Side' by Sade...
You think I’d leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I’d leave down when your down on your knees?
I wouldn’t do that.
I’ll do you right when your wrong
I-----ohhh, ohhh
If only you could see into me.
Oh, when your cold
I’ll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can’t get in
I will show you, your so much better than you know
When your lost, when your alone and you can’t get back again
I will find you darling and I’ll bring you home.
If you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And in no time you’ll be fine.
You think I’d leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I’d leave you down when your down on your knees
I wouldn’t do that.
I’ll do you right when your wrong
I-----i, ohhhh, ohhh
If only you could see into me.
Oh when your cold
I’ll be there
To hold you tight to me
Oh when your alone
I’ll be there by your side baby.
I had never had anything like this happen to me before but maybe when we are in such immense pain, when the heart and mind don't know which way to turn and there seems to be no relief from this terrible thing they call grief...out of nowehere someone tells us 'It'll be ok'.
That's what keeps me going.
Just keep taking things one day...even one hour at a time. That's what I had to do and somehow I am here. Still remembering, still hurting but holding on to sweet memories.
Thinking of you and the boys always {{{HUGS}}} xxx
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